Well its over a week now that we decided to slew the one eyed monster that is the t.v.

 How hard has it been?
Just as with any addiction there have been withdrawals and shortness of temper, cravings and distractions but we have found it to be a liberating experience. We have had more time together and spent quality time doing "old fashioned" things like talking and playing board games( or should that be bored games). We have helped the children to produce meaningful homework to such a degree that both girls have had achievement cards sent home praising their work. All the little jobs that had been put off are getting done, the mirror we got from Ikea almost a year ago has been put up and the shelves that were propped in a corner are now firmly attached to the walls.
 It hasn't always been easy though but I've managed to remain focused and when I have begun to weaken have managed to find something to do. After all we all moan about there being not enough time to do the things we want to do, now we have effectively added 4hrs a day to our lives.
 Don't get me wrong T.V is not the root of all evil but the fact that we let it go uncontrolled is what, looking back, shocks us as to just how much time we did waste.
 We did watch How to train your Dragon on Dvd with the kids and it was great, lights out, popcorn, surround sound up just enough to deafen the neighbours. We really enjoyed it, both the film and the event so weve set aside Saturday evenings as film night, we each get to put forwards two films that we think the family will enjoy and then we choose which one we watch. Unfortunately with two girls 11 and 8 most films have either "Barbie", "princess" or "pony" in the title, they even threatened "The Ballet Shoes" earlier this week. As good fortune would have it I picked up Toy Story 3 so the overwhelming pink tide has been held off for at least another week.

On another subject all together, I am 6 weeks into a Horticulture course held at Capel Manor college in Enfield. The college is world renown for its Horticulture and Garden Design courses and has tutored a number of "celebrity" gardeners. The course I am on is the RHS Advanced, this is the second stage of three leading to a diploma in Horticulture. Today we were looking at plant bio-chemistry, photosynthesis  and respiration (hence the very large and very stiff drink that I am consuming). All in all we will have covered plant taxonomy, morphology and plant pests from September through till December and will be tested by exam in Feb, with a further exam in July to cover the more practical aspects of Horticulture. Having done Rhs lvel2 last year there is a massive jump this year and it was a little over whelming to be honest, but with a bit of perseverance and self discipline I am beginning to get to grips with it.  I can honestly say that this is something that I wish I had done years ago and even now it still excites me to think that I am achieving an ambition that I thought I would never have the opportunity to reach.
 Well back to the calvin cycle and figuring out why glycolosis takes place in the cytoplasm not the mitochondria matrix....wish me luck!

DAY 3: Slightly twitchy

We are officially a no T.V house hold as of 15th November!!

"What are you mad!!?!!"
 Quite possibly, but in the spirit of The Age of Aquarius we decided that the time spent staring numbly at the tely could be spent in a more fulfilling way. We sat down and made a list of reasons why we should keep/loose the t.v and came up with the following:

KEEPING

1. Match of the Day... I know its only me that watches it but I was making the list so I started it off.

2. All the great history programs... Obviously the Missus this one, "We like watching about ancient.....(add name of latest city to be dug up by Baldrick). I on the other hand wanted to put this as a reason in the next list.

3. Cbeebies .....some good educational and developmental programs for the under 5's. 

4. Its dark at night.... erm not really a good enough reason, though repeated at least4 times by the guy at sky when I phoned to cancel my subscription.

5. All the great Movies at Christmas.... hmm no don't get me wrong there are some great films to be seen but not since I was 7 and Jaws 3 was the big Blockbuster on Boxing day has there been anything worth watching at Christmas. For the last three years we did the old highlighter and the festive edition of the Radio Times....probably managed one film a year worth the ink, then it turns out to be on at 4:30 in the morning and only available if you get LWT.

6. If we get rid of the T.V we run the risk of having more children......aha foiled you on that one, booked myself in for "the Snip"(ouch!)

7. How will I fit in at school when the other kids are talking about what they watched last night?(eldest daughter)... I have heard what the kids talk about and their viewing habits and you were never allowed to watch Eastenders, The only way is Essex and 16 and Pregnant, you are only 10years old!

8. Erm... couldn't think of any more.

LOOSING

1. Match of the Day... hey! She got that little jibe in quick. "You watch too much football. You stay up half the night watching Hereford play Scunthorpe then come to bed at 2 in the morning put the light on wake me up then try and put your cold feet all over me and then I cant go back to sleep!!" " If getting rid of the tely stops you from coming to bed in the middle of the night and disturbing me them I will carry the Damn thing down to the tip n my back right now!!"... ahh ok I see.

2.Those great History programs.... yeah well if you actuals stayed awake long enough to watch them I wouldn't mind. You fall asleep after 5 minutes and I usually start watching Stargate or something and when you do open your eyes for half a second you think its part of you programs.

3. Cbeebies...just two words........... "MR TUMBLES" aaarrghhh no no no please god no, I cant take any more!!

4.We will spend more time reading and communicating.... ok, good reasons in themselves but, getting two words of sense out of you all when you have your heads buried in the latest "Mave Binchey" or "Kate Mosse" is next to impossible, and then its the 4 days of swanning around all wistful and distracted after you finish reading them.

5.DVD's are allowed..... our one concession to the goggle box. Watching a film is now an event again, switch off the lights, put on the surround sound and annoy the neighbours with every explosion, car chase or "scene of mild terror"(kids films). Its great we can now get excited about watching a film and its something to value rather than just something in passing. 

6.More baby making time....hey cant be a bad thing right! just have to wait for the swelling to go down...though she did ask why!!

7.The kids can now share with their friends the newly acquired wisdom that reading can bring. O.k they might get a little bit of a hard time but as I said before they were never allowed to watch the rubbish that their mates were watching anyway.  Anyway if its worth watching they can always catch up on the iplayer or 4OD.

8. Its going to save £50 a month.. Every little helps these days but more than the financial gain we will gain precious time. We discovered that we watched 3-4 hrs a night some times more, and that we didnt have the time or energy for the things we should be doing. Now we find that the evening is a lot longer than two episodes of The Simpsons and a One Show(although that could drag on for what seemed hours). Suddenly we have become time rich and we found ourselves as a family again, try it for just one night and I guarrentee you will have a good time. 

  So yes there have been the odd time that I've been tempted to switch on the t.v and yes there are those times of thumb twirling, but so what. I know that for me personally and my family we will spend more time together, we will do more together and we will function smoother. No more will we turn on, tune in and drop out.

Marmite

 Love her or hate her, there seems to be no getting away from her.

www.toonpool.com/cartoons

 Is this what you would call a healthy role model? A style you would be pleased for your 17 year old daughter to pursue? The rabid pursuit of fame no matter the cost to her health both physical and mental?

 I just feel a bit sleazy, a bit soiled, a bit ashamed that I sit there and watch as she goes out week after week to  "perform",  booing and baying like a spectator at the Coliseum. I know she is of an age to make an informed choice and is in control of her own life but don't you think that some-one should have a word with her.  Do we really want to see a teen with a fragile hold on her sanity loose it on our t.v screen and call it entertainment?  Years ago we had travelling freak shows where people with physical disabilities were made to perform so that the public could taunt and geer, we wouldn't dream of doing that now, yet that's not a million miles away from so called "prime time" t.v. 

 Maybe next week she should sing the Manic Street Preachers song

 " If you tolerate this Your children will be next"

   Love her or hate her,you cant help feeling a bit sorry for her.

Because I'm Worth It..(hmm)

In the week that 

I am a very concerned that the ambitions of my employer don't match up with where I see myself in the next five years. I would like to be winning awards and fulfilling my potential on the world stage, leading my fellow country men to greatness. Sadly I see my employer wallowing around being the second or third best company in its field. I have been lauded as having the potential to be the best in the world, to be one of the greatest of all time even.

 Some have describe me as a foul mouthed thug, a mindless violent abuser. Granted I have a temper, I have a wandering eye, I love women and have been known to pay for their company....hell they need their pensions topping up so why not. O.k maybe the fact that my wife is at home looking after my new born child but you know what, she's always out doing her thing, out with her mates at some party or another, wearing another new dress she got out the catalogue. She cant complain I am a good dad to our kid, anything it needs it gets. 

 She does complain about me being out with the lads though, " You think more of them than you do of us" she is constantly going on, but I tell her I have to, its work. Come to think of it I do spend most weekends with them and we get to go away on work trips mid week, some times to the most fashionable cities in Europe. I even went away to South Africa in the summer for the world cup but when I came home early I got a right slating, I thought she would have been happy but no.... just cant seem to please some people.

 Anyway my boss keeps calling me, he seems to want to know what's going on in my head, he says he's worried about me but I think he's more worried about what people think of him. He used to treat me like a son, all protective and stuff, "Hows ma' champ doin'?" " Every one, Listen to ma' boy here", "He's a special talent that we need to nurture". But thing have changed, he told every one I couldn't come in the other day cos' I had hurt my leg but there was nothing wrong with me, he just didn't want me around. When I did go back in he even gave me some crappy job to finish off that some-one else had done. I have seem this before, when he fell out with his last Golden Boy, he even got violent and verbally abused him in front of every-one at work, then started chucking stuff at him. He has got a temper though and we think he has a drink problem but you  cant say anything or else you have had it. I think he's trying to push me out, but I don't care, I want out!! 

 Can you believe that after all these years of service, the millions of pounds I have made the company and the physical and mental abuse I have taken they treat me this way. I had a talk with the directors the other day, I told them straight "Pay me more or else I'm off", they said they would "Think about it".... Cheeky bastards, they dont deserve me, I made this company what it is today, without me they are nothing. I have had a chat with some people who know some people who run a similar company not far from here and they are more than interested in giving me a job. Word is they will give me the same position with a pay increase. A guy who used to work here went to work for them about a year ago and he's doing great there, so will have to wait and see, depends on what they offer!

............Just had a call from the boss, sounded like he had had a a drink or two, but said that he had just come out of a meeting with the directors and they were willing to give me another chance..... I didn't even know I was on a disciplinary!! They said that they didn't want any more negative stuff going on and if they increased my pay to £180,000 a week would I stay..........

HELL YEAH!!

In the week of benefit cuts, increase in stealth taxes and all round belt tightening  unlike never before, how can one man be paid such an immoral amount of money for playing a game! ......

 It makes me ashamed to be a Manchester United supporter

The Greatest Comedy of ALL Time?

There is a raging debate as to the greatest comedy of all time.

It was suggested that Kath and Kim should take the accolade,

But that didnt go down so well.... unlike Kel!

OR 

 The office

The "Comedy Genius" of Ricky Gervais..

Hhhmmm, no I don't think so.

So what in my humble opinion is .......

Black Adder

Close..in all its incarnations but not quite.

Cathrine Tate

 Am I Bovvered!!

Little Britain

I don't liche it...

The Royale Family

My Arse!

    And the winner is.......

       FATHER TED

     Genius!!

Join in.. comment here or over at Steves.. Tell him Joe sent you.

Crouching Tiger.... not very well Hidden Panther

 Well as promised, tales from the dark side of holidaying in Britain.....and not just the weather!

 Our choice of destination was of course North Wales, a wild and beautiful place, the home of dragons and hero's, of sorcery and witch craft and untold mythical beasts the likes of which never seen else-where.



 A morning still and calm, mist sluggishly rolling over the fields, shapes emerging from the mist distorted and menacing. The cries of savage birds piercing the sky as they wheel overhead looking for the scattered remains of last nights victims. The smell of the earth rising to grasp at your every step, the cloying wetness that saturates through leather and skin.

 Among this primeval field there are men, hero's that have survived the night. They have stood guard and watched as their kin sleep fitfully, ready to defend their young from things real and imagined. The fear of the night slowly ebbs away from their hearts, only to be filled by the fear of what the day is to bring.
 First fire, to warm the cold that seeps to the bones, to provide a drink, hot and sweet, to cook the flesh that is craved by the stomach.
 As he emerges from the flimsy shelter of cloth, he looks back at the young, they stir but refuse to let go of the remains of sleep.
 A movement!!.
 Where?
There
 Was it imagined?
 No, there it was again!
  A shape so vile, so horrendous that the brain can not deal with such horror.
 He looks... He looks again, the disbelief tears a stifled cry from his lips!!

NOOOOOO!!!


There before him the sight that burns deep into his brain, the sight that will never be forgotten, the sight that no man should be forced to witness.

 THE CROUCHING FORM OF A MAN............

HAVING A POO !!!

Now I know we was camping, I know the site was described as "wild", and I even accept that sometimes we do get caught short and we must "improvise" , but please the toilet block wasn't that far away, even if it was at least find a frikkin bush buddy!!

 The dirty scally didn't even do anything to disguise the fact he was having a crap in full view of a dozen people, all with the same expression of "what the....!!!!" on their face.

 What made it even worse, if this is possible, yep it is, is that when the "job was done" he left it there. A mammoth log, you know like the ones toddlers do. I was a good 40 yards away and the grass was long but I could still see the bugger. Have a look closely at the picture you can see the toilet roll on top of it in the grass.

 We then had to put up with the 12 hour Inquest into "who's pony"(and trap......crap) it was, and the various threats of violence bandied about, and the colourful language so deftly woven by our Liverpudlian neighbours, until the culprit finally owned up!

 Oh  I do love to be beside the sea side oh I do love to be beside the sea!

Yeah Cheers Buddy! 

I'm Back!!

  Sorry, just popped out for a breath of fresh air and then when I tried to get back in SOME-ONE had locked me out!!
  It wasn't you was it? cos I will find out and then there will be trouble!

Anywho back where I belong now, will tell you all about my hols ( the mystery of the Crouching Tiger), the son exploring the far reaches of his olfactory passages and First Day Back the stutter!