Our choice of destination was of course North Wales, a wild and beautiful place, the home of dragons and hero's, of sorcery and witch craft and untold mythical beasts the likes of which never seen else-where.
A morning still and calm, mist sluggishly rolling over the fields, shapes emerging from the mist distorted and menacing. The cries of savage birds piercing the sky as they wheel overhead looking for the scattered remains of last nights victims. The smell of the earth rising to grasp at your every step, the cloying wetness that saturates through leather and skin.
Among this primeval field there are men, hero's that have survived the night. They have stood guard and watched as their kin sleep fitfully, ready to defend their young from things real and imagined. The fear of the night slowly ebbs away from their hearts, only to be filled by the fear of what the day is to bring.
First fire, to warm the cold that seeps to the bones, to provide a drink, hot and sweet, to cook the flesh that is craved by the stomach.
As he emerges from the flimsy shelter of cloth, he looks back at the young, they stir but refuse to let go of the remains of sleep.
A movement!!.
Where?
There
Was it imagined?
No, there it was again!
A shape so vile, so horrendous that the brain can not deal with such horror.
He looks... He looks again, the disbelief tears a stifled cry from his lips!!
NOOOOOO!!!
There before him the sight that burns deep into his brain, the sight that will never be forgotten, the sight that no man should be forced to witness.
THE CROUCHING FORM OF A MAN............
HAVING A POO !!!
Now I know we was camping, I know the site was described as "wild", and I even accept that sometimes we do get caught short and we must "improvise" , but please the toilet block wasn't that far away, even if it was at least find a frikkin bush buddy!!
The dirty scally didn't even do anything to disguise the fact he was having a crap in full view of a dozen people, all with the same expression of "what the....!!!!" on their face.
What made it even worse, if this is possible, yep it is, is that when the "job was done" he left it there. A mammoth log, you know like the ones toddlers do. I was a good 40 yards away and the grass was long but I could still see the bugger. Have a look closely at the picture you can see the toilet roll on top of it in the grass.
We then had to put up with the 12 hour Inquest into "who's pony"(and trap......crap) it was, and the various threats of violence bandied about, and the colourful language so deftly woven by our Liverpudlian neighbours, until the culprit finally owned up!
Oh I do love to be beside the sea side oh I do love to be beside the sea!
Yeah Cheers Buddy!
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