Carry On Gardening

 I hate February, Its a cold dark depressing month. The weather is always crap and having to spend the day in freezing, windy rain is just no fun. I often find that I am ankle deep in mud that sticks to your feet and makes you 4inches taller and then clings to your trousers. This then means that every time I get a brief chance to go indoors I not only have to remove boots and wet socks but trousers as well. This isnt such a big deal at home but believe me when you are working in gardens of, how can we put this delicately, women of a certain age, it raises other hazards of the job.
 Now very few of my customers are either the right side of 50 or sober, It seems that rich women start drinking Pinot G some time before breakfast and are well into their third bottle by the time they greet me with a cup of tea "with a little some thing to warm you up". Now I have worked out that its not wise to say that you can't taste the Whiskey in the tea,
 "The warming ingredient is not in the cup" .....as I have been told more than once.
Now as I am stood there in the utility room breeze blowing through my naked bottom half and steam forming on my glasses the last thing on my mind is servicing the lady of the house, a kind of erotic meals on wheels as it were. Apart from the fact that they are "not my bag", its so cold that even if I did want to "help her out" I would need a search party to "go look for the equipment"!

 So if I could I would love to just go to bed in October and wake up in March, ready and refreshed for my season ahead, ready to ward of the drunk old biddies!