As something of a newbie to these here parts I would like to take this opportunity to enlighten you all as to some AWESOME facts about me. Now These are in no way a sum total of my personality but they probably go a long way to explaining who and why I am.
1. I once fed elastic bands to my friends dog.
Why? Well I guess for a number of reasons but mostly so that we could twang the bands as the hung out of its ass. I know its not big and I know its not clever but when you are 13 and at your mates house and its raining and you are waiting like 40 minutes for "Jet Set Willy" to load up on his ZX Spectrum after its crashed umpteen times, you kind of get bored and barring setting fire to his house then torturing the stupid dog was next on the list. My friend, lets call him "Nick" 'cos that's his name after all, was a couple years older than me and had a big old smelly black Labrador that sat about wheezing and farting and making unwanted sexual advances on you , a bit like James Brown I suppose. The dog was called Lonely and was the apple of Nicks mums eye, she loved this dog, she doted on it and was convinced that we were trying to kill "her baby". Now for me it was just something to do, but for Nick it was sibling rivalry, so at each opportunity we found more and more ways to "get" it. We had locked it in a cupboard for a day, we hog tied it with Nicks mums tights and we eventually got round to the elastic band prank. Oh how we laughed as we chased it round the garden wearing washing up gloves grabbing and twanging at the elastic bands. The poor thing wheezed and span and blundered about howling like a banshee. Looking back on it now I know it was wrong, I know we should have known better and I do not condone animal cruelty but still I can help but chuckle.
+
= PAIN!
Part Two To Follow.....
2 comments:
I'm hoping to God that the bungee had not been invented when you were a boy.
Steve- Unfortunately I failed to see the development of this budding new craze, after all a dogs arse is still a dogs arse at the end of the day. The last I heard,"Nick" went on to further his interest and became a proctologist.
Post a Comment