This time last week....

I woke up here and watched as the sun crept over the mountains to my left. as the sun broke cover the temperature started to rise and the smells of citrus and Rosemary drifted up to the balcony. Within an hour I was in the sea swimming among shoals of silvery fish. Back for a breakfast of strong black coffee and giant pastries.

Later that morning we headed of for a day out. This is Perast, a small sleepy village with an amazing history. The inhabitants repelled a fleet of 6,000 North Africans and in doing so secured for themselves the protection and support of Venice, in time the local seamen were commissioned to act as special military force to the council of Venice.

Now there is not much to even hint at these past glories, however the small island to the right is a testament to the spirit of these villagers. It is a totally man made island with a church built upon it in 1452. 

What the village boasts now is a fabulous Hotel Conte and view to die for.

That was a mid morning coffee and liqueur taken care of.

 On wards and upwards. 

Check the mountain to the rear of the photo, if you look close you will see a mini Great wall not of china but of Kotor. This is a charming old town with many old palaces and wealthy merchant houses that once housed the most powerful and richest families of there time, now however they house restaurants and souvenir shops designed to relieve the cruise liner tourists of their overflowing pocketfuls of cash. 

I wonder did the tourists loose more pounds walking up the couple thousand steps to the monastery on the top of the mountain or in the shops selling tat in the old town square?

Anyway they cant complain when they climb back aboard this little run around moored in the marina

After lunch we then headed off to the swankiest resort on the coast, where the Rouble is king (or Czar).

This was such a difference from the rest of the places we had seen this day that it made us wonder if we were in the same country. Still a bottle of Prosseco in a nice bar with more amazing views was one way to kill a few hours that I could very easily get used to.

Then back to town for a moonlit meal on the marina. The seafood platter of the day for one consisted of 2 sea bream, white bait, squid, octopus, deep fried mini flatfish and what can only be described as a dollop of caviare the size of a snooker ball! 

If you look closely you can just make out the silvery shapes of tomorrows "catch of the day".

Then it started all over again the next day!

I think I could get used to this.

Back to old blighty and greeted by the worst wind storms in 25 years .....GREAT!

(Can anyone tell me where I was?)

One.. Two......, One.. Two..... Is This Thing On ?

Well a truly rapturous return to the blogosphere, almost as much hooha as the second coming!!

Yep, it was missed by the vast majority of you so for those at the back not paying attention..

HELLO

Honestly whats a person to do round these parts to get a little attention?

What?

No?

Really?

But I could never live with myself,

The Shame...

Oh, Ok Then....

NOW SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!

I swore I would never resort to "Kitten pics" but this should double my hits, no sweat!

Boo!

Ah yes I knew there was something I had forgot, it was you lot.

Honestly if you were my children that would have been it, off to the big house for neglect!

But you know me by now, bit of a media ninja.....

now you see me,

 now you don't..... 

NINJA ATTACK!

In fact this blog is just like those crazy 80's movies, you know, clumsy staged conflict, very bad dubbing.

No honest it is.

So what have I been up to for ssssooooooo long a time?

    

Training

Mind-                     I have completed my horticulture degree...Phew!
                               I have completed the first part of teacher training..Double phew!!
                              I have signed up for the second part of teacher training ...Aaargh!!


Body-                   I have completed knee physio... Yay!
               I have broken down again after slippage incident (beer may or may not have been involved) Boo!
                       Grown a large and somewhat expensive prudence around my waist. (See Above brackets)

Missions

Work-                 Completed nearly a year back working, picked up loads of new customers and worked like a dog trying to keep them all happy.... bad move, some people want blood. They can have it...THEIR OWN!!
                           Ran a short 4 week course at my local Horticulture college... Awesome!
                          Got a call back to run 3, yes count them 3! courses as of September WAHAY.
                          Spend the next 3 weeks breaking the hearts of a number of  "ladies of a certain age", giving them notice of my quitting....there will not be a dry eye in the house!
                         Planning the 3, yes count em, 3 courses running concurrently  for the next 12 months....poop!


Play-                 Spend the next 10 days with the in-laws!!   Easier said than done....drat!
                         Spend 10 days in North Wales, no not the pretty bit, the wart on the syphilitic arse-hole that is Holyhead... I hate that place!
                         Sit for the next 10 days dreaming of my week in the mountains and lakes of the beautiful environs of Montenegro in October.... bliss! (beer may be involved)




 So as you can see, lots more of the usual rubbish and a number of good thing have happened along the way, I am sure to bore you with the details some more in the near future.

Its been fun just lurking and dropping the odd comment now and again but like the creepy uncle that turns up at weddings and funerals smelling of cheap liquor, cheap aftershave and even cheaper hookers ....

Oh hello,

look at you,

your all grown up now!

I will be seeing you.

I Love You Long Time...

This is what happens when old men get access to the internet.

I sat opposite this couple last night in an Italian restaurant, they sat opposite each other in painful silence and broken conversation. She could only speak a few words of English and he was trying his hardest and loudest to impress her with his "East End" exploits of the 1960's. As you can see if you look close enough she is trying her best to follow his stories with a translation app on her iphone. I dont think from her confused looks that it had an option for rhyming slang on knew the word "nonce".

Please if I ever get that desperate just put me down!

Been Around The World And I, I, I, I...

Its been a hectic few weeks here. We had a phone call two weeks ago to say the father in law had been rushed into hospital with a suspected heart attack. So as you do we dropped everything and made our way to see him, which considering he lives in Holyhead and we live on the outskirts of London is at best a 4 hour drive and at worst a 8/9 hour slog up the motorway.
As we drove up we didn't really know much as to his condition but it didn't sound too good, he had been under  a lot of stress lately as both his son and youngest daughter are both suffering from depression and mental health issues and as it so often happens are taking things out on their parents. The father in law is 82 and now quite frail, he was up until the last couple of years very active often to be found climbing about on his roof trying to fix his tv aerial or digging a new border for his veg growing. But more recently his health has not been great and he has taken to walking with a stick, much to his annoyance and if truth be told embarrassment. The mother in law is in her late 70's too (don't tell her I said that) and has had health issues herself, recently recovering from bowel cancer and several operations and chemotherapy. I guess to outsiders they are quite vulnerable and "old" but when its family you kind of look past their outward appearance and see them as they see themselves, still capable and if not quite full of vital energy then at least still got another 20 years or so left in them.
 So it was with trepidation then that we walked into the hospital ward. As we looked for him among the other "old" people on the ward it took us a second look to recognise him. Out of his usual surroundings and lying there with his eyes shut and his mouth open he looked small and feeble.We quietly took our place at the bed side and sat looking at him not really sure what to say until after a few seconds he started to snore, it got louder and louder until it drew tuts from the deaf man across the ward and giggles from us. Eventually it got so loud and we were laughing so much that the nurse made nudging motions towards us to wake him up. As soon as he opened his eyes we could see the razor sharp spark had not diminished one jot, he was back in the room and as bright as he had ever been. It turns out that apart from feeling a bit weak he has suffered no ill effects from his ordeal and was ready for home. He was kept in for a few days for observation but the combination of his snoring , chatting up the nurses and the NHS's desperate need for beds he was sent packing.
After they had settled back home we headed home ourselves, another trek across half the country but as it was in the early hours of the morning traffic was light and we made it home in 5 hours. Two days later we got a call again asking if they could come and stay for a few days as they were having problems from the other members of the family, so it was back up to North Wales this time we let the train take the strain on the way up and drove them back here in their car.
A week later we drove them back up to Holyhead and again took the train back.
Now I love to travel but only if I am going somewhere but all in all with the two trips and all the running them about while they were with us we racked up just short of 2000 miles and 25 hours sat in the car or the train in just over 2 weeks. I worked it out and we could have got to Cyprus, Greenland or Beirut. But as the saying goes "the further you go, the nearer to home you get".

I am glad to say though that both the father in law and mother in law are doing well and are now back on their feet, a little slower and more cautious but in a way that's better.

Now to just sort out the rest of the families problems and I can then concentrate on sorting out the Middle East and Africa.

The Writing Is On The Wall

On the school run each morning we pass a very wonky wall that has been threatening to fall over at any second for the last 12 months. Its about 5 or 6 feet high and was constructed by any old bits of brick and stone to hand back in about 1960. It leans out at such an angle that you have to step out into the road to walk past it. Its adjacent to a very narrow pavement and if the wall was to fall would land in a narrow street that is a used as a bit of a rat run during rush hour both morning and evening.
 Imagine then our surprise to see last week the wall being dismantled brick by dusty brick as we drove past on our first day of school and over the  past week or so it was completely removed and the earth behind dug back and a brand spanking new wall built. Yesterday  as we passed the wall had been rendered and with its first coat was dry ready for the final coat of render to be applied. As we drove by today we saw that the builders had indeed been busy applying a smooth flawless finish to what now is a proud piece of construction.
 However as we came to the end of the wall, because its about 40feet long my youngest(5) read out these letters gouged out of the render about 3 feet high.....

"C."

"U."

"N."

"T."

"That wall is built by a  CUNT dad!!"

After nearly crashing the car and the two eldest kids in hysterics, I then had a 15minute "chat" about words that are "not nice".  

 Kids hey!!!

TRA LA TE TE TRA LA LA LA LAAA

Yes it really is a grown man singing and dancing like Mary Poppins, this is not something new to those of you who frequent "those" type of clubs but in our house the phrase "Bear with a sore head" is generally the best way to describe my default setting over the past 5 1/2 weeks.
 I dearly love my children but when it turns out that I have been the sole carer and house keeper and cook and cleaner and trying  working 40 hours a week then the "Summer Holidays" are anything but a holiday. At least  today I had a wee without some one wandering in asking where his Lego mini figures were, a cup of tea without the requests for a recreation of Lady GaGas latest hair style and 30 seconds at the computer where I wasn't mobbed by demands to watch "the worlds cutest puppy" or the "Annoying Orange".

BLISS 

All Is quiet, no Rhianna  blasting from the kids room about what sexual antics she has been/would like to do to some unfortunate/fortunate guy.

No continual loop of Pingu dvd's.

No volley of screams, chases and cries of "she hit me!", "He bit me!" and "I'm telling!!!!"

Yes peace reigns and I can feel the icy iron grip loosen ever so slightly across my chest.

Its great when the kids go back to school. Time to do what I want to do when I want to do it. 

Too Much Time ON My Hands!!!!

ROLL ON 3 O'CLOCK!!!